C. Thomas Flood lands in the city by the Bay, fresh from the farming fields of Indiana, determined to write a great American novel. He rents a cot from a Chinese entrepreneur named Wong and finds himself living with five other Chinese gentlemen all named Wong as well. The Wongs are excited because they have recently learned that it is legal for two men to marry in San Francisco. Thomas has something they really, really lust for...American citizenship. Needless to say living with five men who look on you as the golden prize becomes a little uncomfortable. Marry me Tommy...no marry me...no me.
Thomas's fortunes seem to be on the rise when he lands a job on the graveyard shift of the local Safeway. He quickly becomes proficient at the sport being perfected by graveyard shifts at supermarkets all over America...frozen turkey bowling.
Thomas has been horny so long he has forgotten he's horny. He is 19 and almost a virgin. He has been assured on two different occasions that he did have sex, but both times he was too drunk to remember. When he meets Jody and she seems to find him totally irresistible he can not believe his luck. Vampire Vixen Jody
She is gorgeous and she wants to have sex with him....a lot. His father must have never explained to him that if something is too good to be true it probably is. She is a vampire, which when she tells him is a little unsettling, but then she has more sex with him. Sure the biting is a little painful and weird, but she's having sex with him!
Life, unfortunately, for Thomas can not all be about sex. Reality intrudes in a big way when the Vampire that turned Jody decides that Thomas must die.
The hi-jinks and ineptitude of the characters reminded me of the REAPER
episodes. The book is garnished with a host of strange characters, pornographic Disney tattoos, attempted necrophilia, and Hiaasenesque humor. It is the first book of a trilogy followed by You Suck and Bite Me. If you are looking for something light, funny, and weird then this book will do nicely.